In November 2010 I had my first reading and I also went to a live LYD workshop within a couple of weeks of first having seen my chart. Ra often mentions that if projectors stop studying their process stops. This was one of the first thing that I discovered. I simply could not keep the process going on my own. The feeling of not being able to keep it going was so disturbing that I enrolled in the first on-line Human Design workshop available.
During my first couple of years in Human Design I did not have reliable access to my inner authority. In fact, one year after my first meeting with Human Design I sat down and contemplated the fact that I still did not know how to take correct decisions for myself, and what to do about that.
My mind always seems to be one step ahead and continuously adjusting to new situation, and always aiming for control. I sat down and I had a look at if I was fooling myself in regards to waiting for the invitation. Taking a mental step back and sitting down and having a deeper look at what was going on it was obvious that I was into things that I had not entered into correctly. In fact, I had almost desperately entered into courses out of this need to keep the process going for which I didn’t have the focus to keep up on my own.
The conclusion was quick, there had to be a deeper scrutiny in regards to how I practised strategy.
It took me almost a year to untangle myself from the courses that I had gotten myself into and to just wait. My mind was not at all happy with the idea of what it considered to be wasted time and money, but the dream of being the one in charge of my own decisions was the driving force that helped ignore the mental justifications for staying put in places where I had entered incorrectly.
I find the learning curve for projectors to be costly, time-consuming and steep. In the binary of things generators “only” have to find out about who they are, while to get there for projectors they have to find out about everything that they are not in order to find out who they truly are.
For projectors the Human Design studies are about fine tuning the projector discernment process in regards to being able to take correct decisions as to which other belong in your life, or not. I have come to realise that when I am studying the information is secondary. My primary focus lies on whoever is teaching. That is where the real learning comes from. As a projector it is all about the correct other.
