I used to live my life experience upon experience and then I would crash, and after the crash I would retreat and recover in order to go back out there and continue reliving the same experiences over and over again without learning from them. The whole retreat phase was just a way of getting energy levels back up in order to be able to go back out and continue to live a fake generator life.

The thing is that to get something out of an experience to start with I have to be present in the experience I am having in the first place. There cannot be room for any expectations and ideas of the outcome of it. Then I am not having that specific experience, but I am strategically expecting a result from it. After having had the experience there has to be time for reflection, which you could call doing nothing.

It is in that doing of nothing that everything happens.

In the beginning when I started “actively” doing nothing it wasn’t necessarily the last experience that got processed first. In fact, when I took a break from working in 2013 and retreated to be on my own it took several months before I got to the last experience I had just had. The backlog of processing and integrating was enormous. Talk about piled up work! Giving myself time and space in which to process and integrate whatever was there has made a huge difference in the time and space I now need in order to process and integrate new experiences.

Generators are here to do what they love and from that be able to find out who they are. For projectors it is not about doing on the outside, but it has everything to do with the inside. As projectors we take in a tremendous amount of conditioning with the end purpose of getting to know ourselves. That conditioning intake is pure gold if experiences are allowed to be processed and integrated. If conditioning is treated correctly the feeling of vulnerability that openness brings turns into a feeling of empowerment.